about dominocat
For the last six years, I've suffered from agoraphobia and severe panic attack disorder, although I've experienced panic attacks on and off for about 15 years. I started writing my blog roughly three years ago, partly because it's nice to get it out of your system sometimes, and partly to quell the crazy misconceptions about this disability.
I get rather pissed off with people who say, "pfft, yeah a panic attack..." as if you've just stubbed your toe. In reality, panic attacks are horrible. They're scary. They're physically painful. With the greatest of respect (and if you've got this far thank you for being at least interested) unless you've had a panic attack, you'll never know what it's like. To be honest, I hope you never do. When I have an attack I try and document it, but often it's tiring and revisiting it often makes me feel worse. I'll do what I can, though.
The agoraphobia is sometimes a bit of a control mechanism, like OCD. It's also a conditioned response to the primitive "fight or flight" response that a panic attack triggers. Agoraphobia is not about never going outside - in fact, I recently made a post about common misconceptions. In my case, I can go out, but for a limited time and distance. 99% of the time, I need to be accompanied by my husband. I got to a point just over a year ago where I could go out on my bicycle for short distances, however since my counsellor M retired it's been harder and harder.
In April 2006, I started CBT with a clinical psychology student who I refer to as "J". His placement ended in late September, and I am now seeing his supervisor "D". I have made a lot of progress with CBT, and I can finally see a chink of light at the end of a very long tunnel.
I have come to terms with my condition a lot better over the last couple of years, but that doesn't mean I've given up hope of ever getting my "normal" life back. It just means that I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with all this shit.
As well as all the psychological crap, I also have arthritis in my spine, affecting both my lower back and hip, and also my neck. There's not a huge amount going on with that, but my mentioning it here serves as a warning that I am liable to whinge about that too...
When I'm not panicking and blogging, I knit, crochet, sew occasionally, and take photographs with my Canon 350D (Digital Rebel). I'm married to a wonderful chap who I refer to here as either Mr D or Ginger (because he is).
